Choices

What stops us from taking the first step…To want a life of choices made by Us and not the World we live in…To walk the path less travelled…Is it the approval of others…family, friends…or the false sense of security of having chosen something that has been tried and tested by generations before us… Or the fear of knowing that by making a choice that is not necessarily approved by others; we stand to blame only ourselves, lest something goes wrong…

Perhaps it is easier to follow the choices made by the world and then blame it for our dissatisfaction. Disappointing everyone else, so that Once in life, we may do something we really want to do…that’s difficult.

It is scary and challenging to pave our own path because there stands a chance that we may fail in our attempt. But letting the fear of failure overwhelm us and not let us make a choice at all…seems like a crime.

The chance to have been able to live a life as per my own accord, and to have thrown it all away just to gain the approval of the world is like walking uphill on a mountain with a log tied to my back. The log is heavy and my back is bent. As I tread along on my painful journey, I can see others who are free of this burden. Some are just sitting on the rocks by the river, enjoying the scenery…others are running freely in the fields. Their breathing is not laboured like mine, their muscles not stiff like mine, nor are their minds restless like mine. They seem to be breathing deeply, their bodies strong and their minds seem to know a stillness that evades mine. Their eyes reflect it all. I cross these people and the world claps, admires my courage to not ‘Give Up’, for living up to their expectations, doing it because ‘I Can’ and ‘I Deserve it’…

If only I realised I had a choice of my own all along. That anything that I Want to do would never feel like a burden. The days would not be long and filled with a dread of unannounced, unexpected duties to be carried out and instead be filled with a sense of purpose and excitement.

It is easy to settle in doing what we don’t like and believe that the ‘Respect’ we get for our ‘Experience’ and ‘Years of Servitude’ are a form of compensation for it all. To me it seems to be a frantic attempt of distracting ourselves from what we really want to do…as that would put us at a greater risk…of ‘ridicule’ and ‘disappointment’ from the World.

To wake up everyday knowing that I have to do something because I Want to and not because I Have to…should not remain a distant dream in my future but my everlasting present. There is no one else who can do this for me. I could say the World didn’t let me or that God didn’t give me a sign and resign to my faith saying it was written or as they call it, ‘Makhtub’. But all these are only fallacies which would take me further away from my already distant dream.

It is in my hands. Now and has always been. I have not been brave enough to face it. It feels safe to harbour a distant fantasy. To strive to achieve it means to let fear of failure and doubt creep into our minds. It is Time…to let go of this fear…to stand tall and make a choice…to brace for the reaction of the world…but also the excitement that comes with venturing into the unknown…

I know it will not be an easy ride, but each step will be filled with purpose and a will to want to do it. How I wish I was there already.

“I won’t tell You that the World matters nothing, or the World’s voice, or the voice of society. They matter a good deal. They matter far too much. But there are moments when one has to choose between living one’s own life, fully, entirely, completely – or dragging out some false, shallow, degrading existence that the World in its hypocrisy demands. You have that moment now. Choose!” ~ Oscar Wilde